Building smell today

Today my coworkers and I were called "wimp", for exiting the office building when we smelled diesel fumes. I was the leader of the group on my floor. Or I'd say that I vocalized most loudly about the issue and announced that I was leaving, gathered up my things and left.

Turned out to be testing of the diesel generator on the roof, and after 1/2 an hour it cleared the building.

But you know, it takes something to stand in the face of that, but I'm not sure I'd call it courage. It's not my favorite word these days. I'm more enamored with people who choose to take a principled stance: I value my own health and choose not to compromise it. I guess today, in our empire, enlightened self interest is wimpy, while targeting and exploiting others for personal benefit (weapons manufacturers, sweatshops) is, I don't know, macho.

Hearing that word, "wimp", transports me back to the 6th grade schoolyard days. No boy wants have that label. Wimps get their lunch money stolen, they get beat up just for the pleasure of others. They are terrorized daily.

And now I just put something together. A connection here between my trip to India, and all my experience with Indian males, about maleness in India, that I liked, I sensed much less of the macho thing there.

So this macho thing is really about people projecting their fear of helplessness, their fear of despair, of death itself. Putting it outside of themselves. We known India has a better relationship with death than the US, the religions are stronger and more respectful of the dead. Of course the Indigenous people perhaps have the best relationship with death (huge generalization, yes, have to refine this statement). I just say that in knowing the tradition of inviting the dead to be present at ceremonies.

Because I have to ask myself why being called a wimp doesn't phase me now? I just laugh inside at the foolishness of the caller. It was very devastating to me a long time ago. What advice would I give to a young boy about this?

I think the answer isn't about advice, it's about values, about culture. There's no shortcut, no advice, to communicating this stuff. There's just the way we live and the hope that it rubs off on our loved ones.

For example, I was out walking with Yafa, saw a dead bird. I was willing to stop and look, willing to feel empathy towards the bird, we moved it to the side of the path and gave it a small burial. Just whatever we could to give it some dignity. I was willing to just be silent and just let my 4 year old have her own experience for 5 or 10 minutes, let her prod it with a stick (her idea).

Because some day, long after I'm gone, she may smell something, and her friends may laugh at her for choosing to seek safety, to investigate further, to distrust the "experts". And that could make all the difference. Don't fail to notice the metaphor of "smelling something".